In which Ma has a moment and then NOT...

Ma and Athar are watching the Masterchef Australia Finale and its a fancy pastry that Andy and Julia have to put together in their bake-off.
Athar says" Ma... cake cake...verrrrrry naice".
Ma has a moment here and she asks him tenderly, "baby do you want to be a chef, painter?". Athar replies, " Ma, banana, potato", then looking at my perplexed face says confidently, "Amma, hyena...heeheeehehehe (laughs )". Yes you can be a happy hyena my son. We can make a career out of giggling, your angelic laughter.

The littlest things make you giggle...

You roll up a book and hold it between us, each of us peeking from either end. One long lashed eye meets one tired eye. you say, "Amma..." and go blink blink blink... and want me to follow suit from my end of our paper cylinder. Then, just to make things funner, i blow from my end... you roll off laughing; you say, " Ma fuuu fuu", making a fish mouth.

Perseverance

What is the one effing quality I wish I had?
You don't care to know, do you? I mean, why would you...
But hell I want to shout it off rooftops -- P-E-R-S-E-V-E-R-A-N-C-E

My old school mum would call it Determination, same difference ma, I have neither.

I will not rant an entire web-page about, how I wish I was different.

I have stated the fact. PERIOD. What do I say, my life will be a self-improvement project till whenever.

R asked me today, " Do you know what makes you happy, H?"

Hmmm...

Resolution Day- july 18th

Good Hair and skin:
Oil at least once a week.
Eat dry fruits daily.
eat 2 servings of fruits daily.
Veggie juice
Yoghurt with fenugreek.
run in the park with athar.

Free Ads here we come!

Conversation between Atharva (20 months) and Dad


Atharva: Appa appa star (pointing to his wrist where grandpa had scrawled 2 stars)

Dad: (looking at me, with surprise as there has been ongoing talk of tantrummy child)Good behavior?

Me: Note the black star-- its extra bad behavior.

Dad: (to Athar)Thats it, another black star by Thursday(deadline for FREE AD submissions) and we are selling you off on FREE ADS!

A lot of stuff is spiraling out of control... Breakdown imminent More when the fighting subsides.

when did you grow up to be 'not so into your mum'?

i was your hero. Your awestruck, open mouthed laugh, your toothy chuckle, were all reserved for mumma's silly antics. you hollering out to me, non-stop, was for me, hai na? Abhi kya hua? Now, mumma is just this headless chicken who is running all over the house to get your stuff ready before you head to day care and she rushes to work. And you dont even say Ta Ta to her eh? She demands a "buh bye" from you... Of course you come running, when I demand the said buh-bye, and plant a ' huggie' and air kiss my cheek... You are better behaved with the MIL. yes that irks me. There, I said it. IT IRKS ME NO END. You are at your worst with Dad. The mumma wants to see you progress and the MIL is always mollycoddling you, babying you. I know, you want me for your nighty nighty nap. Because as you get sleepy, my little 18 month old, you start babbling and insist on mumma singing 'Humpy Humpy... sat on the waaaaaaaaaall'. But how come,mumma is now the last option guy? Maybe that's how you are engineered;to be a 'sway along with the palm trees in the wind' kind of guy... I am trying to understand how to discipline you. Are you picking up this hitting from the TV you are subjected to?

we survived

needless to say... the title sums it all up.

What if it does happen?

I have an App discussion scheduled for tom. Not a very nice feeling but hell when is it ever. I am bracing for the worst. The app itself shouldn't be bad-- because I have worked my A** of this last year, gone above and beyond what was asked of me. In fact I have been daft enough never to say NO. I have never refused P anything. Im her servile help. I have survived cut-paste from emails clearly to steal credit. I am on the brink of taking the fall for her buddy who screwed up while taking off on matrimonial vacation. In my chat this morning when i volunteered to come in for the app discussion, she was gleeful and threw me a smiley. She said, 'you can leave in the afternoon', maybe she will have me leave for ever. I have never been laid off, in my career that spans 9 years. this will be the worst ever humiliation. will walk out head held high. If I am made a fall guy, I'm definitely definitely updating the resume -- that email stinks of lack of respect. I cant live with that. but now that I have spelled out these possibilities, its business as usual until 11 am tom. So long blogger.

Remember this

It doesn't matter how prestigious the school you went to was, how distinguished your educational qualifications are, or how famous you are. Especially when you are dishonest. It doesn't irk during the act itself-- but years later when it comes back to haunt you, by means of an expose, that's when you'd want to bury yourself ostrich-like. So do not do anything, you'll live to regret. IAS babus tainted in Adarsh.

Humiliation

while tears prick, threatening to spill over, I am amazed at the lack of respect amassed over two years in this shit hole. I have never said 'no'. I have always accommodated. Its easy to gloss over mistakes of loved ones. I need to work for a place which respects people as equals, for in respect there cant be varying degrees can there?

being fickle is second nature to me. Once abandoned, once neglected,I have come back to seek you. Of course , my first instinct was to start afresh -- like always, like that brief page on Tumblr, which is complicated as shit. That was a good year ago. Atharva, the little one, was actually little then -- now at 18 months, he is small, not little. I have a project in mind - I dare not spell it out, for fear that it'll fizzle out, like the bookworm (another ambitious project)which I haven't fully written off yet. But I have promised myself that I'll step out of my comfort zone, do things that make me uncomfortable and then conquer them -- no that's too ambitious(just like me)-- I can at least attempt to be friends with things that make me uncomfortable.